Finding New Friends- 5 Ways To Make New Friends in your 30s
It’s Resolution Season and one of the most popular resolutions women have at this time of the year (i.e. January) is finding new friends. This can be for many reasons- moving to a new city, getting stuck in a social rut, drifting apart from old friends, beef with old friends…the list goes on. Making new friends is especially hard when you are a woman, single and in your 30s, however I’ve done it. When I moved to Berlin, I had to do it and it was by no means easy. Today, I’m going to make your mission ( : of finding new friends easier by sharing some essential tips. Continue Reading…
My personal opinion is in your teens and 20s you more or less fall into friendships. It also helps that during this time you are more than likely to be attending an educational institution where you get to see the same people daily, you have a lot more spare time, your stress level is (relatively) low as you are not likely to be dealing with rising bills, pre-midlife crisis, career dilemmas etc.
In your 30s you are dealing with a different kettle of fish and a lot of us at this time are time-poor, consequently, we don’t want to put as much effort in separating the wheat from the chaff when it comes to finding our tribe. If you are a woman in your 30s and you have a full- time job or a boyfriend, these two things can really pave the way when it comes to making new friends in your 30s. However this post is targeted at the women who have not been dealt those cards or who have these cards but don’t feel they possess a winning hand.
Before I share my tips on how to make new friends in your 30s, let me start with what inspired me to write this post. A few months ago, a 40-year-old woman reached out to me on a dating site and sent me this message word for word,
‘Hey! No worries, i know that you are not into women and i’m neither! I just decided to look for new friends. Maybe an uncommon way but most of my friends have families now and not much time left.
I would love to go out more, dancing, concerts, exhibitions etc..and i do love hip hop and soul and i’ve seen that you do aswell! It would be nice to hear from you!:)’
Everyone is open and free to find new friends the way they choose, I know a lot of people have used dating apps like Tinder to make friends. However, this is not my style, there are a million and one ways to find your crew and in this article I will share what worked for me. My list is not exclusive but if you exercise my methods and then add to that what you will, it will give you a great start to the year.
5 Ways to Make New Friends in your 30s
- Invest in a hobby– I advise you to find an activity that you like doing during your spare time and invest in it by putting in the time and effort to find out the social activities attached to that hobby, as well as befriending the people who enjoy your hobby as much as you do. For example, I love writing during my spare time and that is what led me to start this blog and join social platforms like Instagram. Through my blog, I have managed to convert some of my favourite bloggers into real friends by regular communication and meeting up with a few of them. I also attend blogging events.
- Find a community project– About three years ago, I got involved in a project called African Fashion Day Berlin, the goal was to showcase the designer collections of African-based and European-based African to the German public in Berlin during fashion week. The event was such a success that it was attended and featured by Vogue Italia. Through this collaboration, I was introduced to an entirely new selection of people in Berlin. When making new friends in your 30s, your research skills are key, so find out what’s happening in your local area (via social media and word of mouth) that you are interested in and get involved.
- Learn a new language in a language school– I have tried to learn German 3 times and each time has not been successful. However when I enrolled for a 6-week intensive German course in a language school in Berlin, I did not walk away with the language rolling of my tongue but I did make some new friends. The key here is consistency, i.e. attending the course regularly to build a rapport with people.
- Go out on your own– Now this is not for the faint hearted but it certainly worked for me. At an early age, I learnt that if you attend social events and you dress (and dance) the part whilst acting in an approachable manner, people will be drawn to you and strike a conversation. Will each conversation always lead to a friendship? No, but you will increase the odds of making friends the more you go out. When I first moved to Berlin I made friends by going out clubbing on my own as I attracted people who either loved dancing as I do or shared the same interest in music. For example, over Christmas, I went to a networking event wearing festive Christmas ball decoration earrings, I had no idea it would cause a lot of people to come up to me and strike up conversations just because they loved my earrings.
- Network via old friends– A lot of the friends I have are through existing friends I made in Berlin. The funny thing is that often, because life happens I have not always stayed friends with the source but have maintained a friendship with the person they introduced me too.
Remember through all of this you will need patience, positive energy and skin thicker than a rhino’s backside- because you are bound to get a lot of dead ends, rejections, ghosting (yes, even from women)- but you have to keep on thinking, ‘I’m the shit’ and forge ahead.
Do you have any ways of finding new friends Peeps? Do tell, I’d love to know.
Shoes- Prada, Jacket and Trilby- Topshop, Skirt- Zara